I am not a subject matter expert on "Relationships." I leave that to the real experts and so-called "Therapists." I am, however, very versed in cultural communications, subcultures and social anthropology. I have been studying the human race, communities, kinships and; the disengaged for over twenty years.
This year alone, I have received enough emails about the subject of "Relationships" to warrant its own shelf in my library. It is true that in order to be authentic, all subject matters related to the "Human condition" must be a relevant topic to be explored here.
In the basal form, ALL species have a need to connect, partner and procreate. In humans, the latter is up for debate. Each generation puts a different spin on the meaning of relationship. In our grandparents era, it was not an uncommon idea to support "arranged" marriages. Divorce was also frowned upon and; males dominated their species.
Today, women make up at least 51% of the divorce populace. They are twice as likely then men to initiate the divorce. One might say we have come a long way...BUT I am a proponent of traditional simplicity.
KEEP IT SIMPLE
There is nothing wrong with a man opening the door for you, ladies! Do not get rattled about him pulling out the chair for you either. In a study of over 300 women last year, we discovered that women ages 25-30 years old wanted to bring back the traditional ideas of dating and marriage, with some modifications, of course. Women 45-50 did not think it ideal or necessary. The women in the former group sought out women like Dutchess Catherine (nee Middleton) as a role model.
The modifications women wanted in their relationships were career and business driven. More women start businesses today. More women are making more money than their counterparts in life and at home. More women are also sitting at the table as CEOs and "Captains of Industry." All this success, however is not always well received.
It takes a self assured man or woman (depending on the relationship dynamics) to accept and continually support a woman with a high powered career and/or ambitions. Therefore, it is VERY relevant to select your mate as if you were buying a house or a new car.
Try renting first and exploring the neighbourhood before a major purchase (unless it is an investment property) and; test driving a vehicle BEFORE signing the contract. By this, I mean marriage.
LOVE IS LOVE
I heard arguments of "love" vs. being "in love." Here is one more case why relationships fail. If you are analyzing EVERY little thing and looking at every different angle, your mind will be overloaded with so many false/positives that you will sabotage your own relationship. Women have a propensity to do this more often than men, however; both sexes are NOT excused from doing it.
The "best" partner is the one that closely matches your ideal and virtue. You could be polar opposites, i.e. he/she is extroverted and you are introverted; but you share a common thread such as volunteerism, fiscal responsibility, family etc.
A LESSON FROM OMA AND OPA
The most important aspect of ANY relationship is to accept your mate for who they are and NOT what you want them to be. If they are the kind that needs their "alone time," let them be.
I remember my Oma would go off on her own and Opa would let her. They would pickup thereafter, have dinner and retire early. One evening, my Oma did not come back and Opa got worried and called on the radio to the coast guards, thereby EVERYONE on the island with a radio heard all the commotion. Oma, being a proud and private lady, got so angry and almost chewed his head off. My Opa shivered and said meekly, "I was so worried about you, darling!" My Oma affectionately replied, "You silly goose, don't you know I always come back to you?" That evening, Oma was over a neighbour's house making Rosehip jam, my Opa's favourite!
HOW TO MAINTAIN A SUSTAINABLE RELATIONSHIP
1. Avoid false/positives by shutting down the noise and STOP making up stories.
2. Communication is key. Talk it out...DON'T shout it out.
3. Space matters. Even if they say they don't need it, give it to them anyways.
4. NO ONE is perfect, neither me, you or anyone else. ACCEPT IT!
5. Opposites can attract, but the common thread is the bond.
Keep It Simple (KIS)
The foundation for good health starts with a viable nutrition plan and a consistent exercise regiment.
DISSECTING THE PROBLEM
Unfortunately a "simple" idea to get healthy and fit has exploded into a landmine of confusion and chaos. There are so many diet plans out there and equally daunting ways to exercise the pounds off. Who do you believe? Where do you start? How are you going to get this goal accomplished?
We are so bombarded with information, we have become comatose to the fact that we already know what to do. We just don't do it. The BEST way to get started it to just get started.
NO ONE should dictate your pace. Do it on your own terms. If it takes you 12 months instead of 6 months, then let the 12 months be your best months ever. It took months to gain the weight, so allow your body that time to take it all off. It really is that simple.
MIND YOUR PLATEAU
During this process. your mind will be your greatest ally because your body, often times, will betray you.
Depending on your starting weight. you might rapidly lose the several pounds the first week or within a few short weeks. You see this on shows like the Biggest Loser. At some point, if you are a woman, you will also experience water bloating. Then there is the dreaded "plateau."
Please keep things in perspective when thinking about the plateau.. It is NOT a wall but a biological condition that naturally occurs in your body. It really is that simple.
When you start to lose weight and the fat storage starts to decrease, so does metabolism. Your body needs fat reserves to function and It will fight hard to keep it.
Think of your body as a stubborn child or a disagreeable relative We all have them in our life. The technique of persuasion is to make them think it was their idea. Keep doing what you were doing. Keep up the exercise regiment, BUT slowly decrease your caloric intake. Your body needs less calories when it is doing less work.
SMALL FRAME VS. LARGE FRAME LOGIC
A smaller frame uses less energy than a larger frame. Therefore, when you were at the "worst," say 230 lbs, your body has to work harder. When you lose most of your excess and you are almost at your ideal weight, say 142 lbs, your body starts to work SMARTER, using less energy. It is really that simple.
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